This is an Old Guy Observation and Meditation.
I’ve noticed over the decades that the practice of greeting strangers is declining. When you pass someone on the sidewalk—or on the street if there is no sidewalk—fewer and fewer of those someones will look you in the eye, smile, maybe nod, and say “Hello!”
During my student days, my school encouraged a culture where you said hello when you passed someone on campus. Of course, there were logistical constraints; if the sidewalk was crowded (say, between classes), nobody felt the need to greet each of those people—though you might greet friends in the crowd as they came by. More recently I’ve noticed that the practice no longer seems to be part of that culture.
Now, I’m not going all “good old days” here; the old days had their imperfections and irritations, and I, like everybody else, noticed them and complained about them more than I should have. And cultural practices change over time, often for perfectly good reasons. I can think of a couple of reasons the practice of greeting strangers has declined.
The first, I think, is a consequence of the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s, which promoted sex as a simple biological function rather than a blessed consequence of a committed union. Anytime a culture rejects the purpose of a divine gift, that gift will become distorted, and the distorted practice will bring dangers and other harms.
In this case, it’s standard safety practice now for lone women to ignore men they don’t know. With the increase in sex-related crimes since the ’60s*, women don’t want to act friendly in situations they perceive as risky. You look straight ahead and ignore the guy. And that’s good thinking. I’m always conscious of when I’m alone and walking behind a lone woman; I don’t want to cause her anxiety, so I’ll typically walk slower to increase the distance between us or even change my course. And of course, if a lone woman doesn’t greet me on the sidewalk, I take no offense. She has no idea what kind of monster I might be.
A related matter is the increase in sex slavery in more recent years. In particular, children are warned about “stranger danger,” and those warnings are eminently sensible. So if kids don’t greet me, I take no offense at that either; in fact, I’m less inclined than I used to be to greet children I don’t know. Who’s this strange old man, anyway?
A second reason for the decline in greetings is technology—phones and earbuds, most commonly. Lots of people multitask with their walking time, listening to music or podcasts, or catching up on texts. Nothing objectionable about that. I’ve noticed a few occasions where I couldn’t see any earbuds, said hello, and the person just completely ignored me. I try to exercise the biblical principle of giving people the benefit of the doubt (1Co 13.4-7, most directly) and just let it pass. Maybe the problem’s more with my eyes than their ears.
But though I understand the forward march of culture, I miss the old practice of saying howdy.
Speaking of culture, something I’ve noticed in rural Africa is the good reason why hardly anything begins on time: when you’re walking to an appointment, you’ll likely meet someone you know, and of course you’ll stop and greet him, and ask him how his family is—each family member, by name—and take some time to demonstrate that you value his friendship. It’s not seen as rude to keep people at your destination waiting; wouldn’t it be even more rude to brush off someone who’s standing right next to you?
I love the sense that makes.
So Africans—and African-Americans—will talk about “Africa time” and laugh, and I’ve come to appreciate the laughter as a nod to a cultural valuation of grace and love for neighbor. Of course we’re not going to start on time—and that’s a good thing!
I’m not going to grouse about the “defects” of our culture like an old curmudgeon, but I am going to keep looking on-comers in the eye and say howdy if they return my look.
If they don’t, no judgment. But I think our world would be a better place if we were on Africa time.
* There’s complexity to the data, including varying legal definitions of rape and consent, and the question of a possible increase in reporting rather than incidence.
Photo by Weichao Deng on Unsplash